Change Your Jurassic Views on Sex: Anything Goes


You Know Your Husband Has Changed When...

I would bet some hard cash, but that's against my principles, that quite a few women wonder if their hubbies took to the habits of the two male characters in BB Mountain. There's nothing they can put their finger on, figuratively, and this change in men is so new to our society that they don't know what to look for.

It's different from looking for lipstick stains on his collar, cheap perfume clinging to his clothes, a credit card receip to a hot-pillows motel. I'll help you, girlfriends. You'll never again sleep in doubt you lost your man to another man.

-- The closet

There is a reason for the expression, "He came out of the closet." While he is off to work and you are home alone, look at what there might be in his closet. Any vaseline, condoms, and you are post-menopausal? How about dirty magazines or a rolled poster of Superman ?

Oh-ho. Rolled poster of Superman. Maybe he is planning a move to live with the other manin your lives.

Girlfriend, don't lose your kewl. Not yet. Look into his clothes. Any female garments? What? Garters? Ummm... Anything else? The Kamasutra, and all these years you practiced missionary position...

--Please don't close the closet whining and thinking of buying a gun to send the SOB packing. There are better solutions to your problem. Revenge is a dish better eaten cold. Someone else said that before me. Look for further proof than these few items you have found. Send him not to alimony damnation before having a tight case in your hands. Let's look at his bills. Your mom always told you how silly his and hers was. Now you have it.

Now, what can this be? The Stud Motel, two hours, sixty dollars. Hunk and Tony Motel, fifty dollars one hour. Billed by Michael Bruce for services rendered on these two dates, 400 dollars. You don't want to go any further into this sinful pile. But you cannot resist. Pleasure Chest, places and names, phone numbers, all of it in West Hollywood. Oh, no!

For a couple of weeks you watch him. Yes, he is coming home freshly showered. He says incomprehensible phrases, such as ...it?...my face?, once or twice you think he muttered Georgie, Tony, or Michael. You have cried for the two weeks you watched him, you smelled cheap aftershave on him, not the chi-chi Cartier you gave him last Valentine's, indeed the last one.

Girlfriend, why shred your whole life apart for two men? Chill and co-opt is the word. Offer them the attic. You heard me. There are still another 20 years to go to pay up the mortgage. If your best friend is paying too much for her lease in West Hollywood, why not have her move over? Lizzie will be thrilled, you will learn a lot from her, trust me.

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