Stories Seasoned with Brazilian Spice

Even now, when still in mourning, Brazilians will tell jokes. Brazilian jokes are many times politically incorrect. In "I-will-sue-you Land" one must be careful. I'd rather be carefree. After all, you can't take it with you, and Frank Capra said that better than I ever could.

Let's try for two stories peppered with scatology?

An Englishman and an Brazilian are riding all by themselves an elevator of the Empire State Building. All the way from the second part of the ride down. They stare into space, that type of thing one does when riding an elevator with only one stranger.

Suddenly an odor of rotten eggs and putrid onions stinks up the elevator. The Brazilian is about to faint. He addresses the Englishman in poor English, direct and concise,

"Excuse me, Sir, did you fart?"

The Englishman, ever so haughty, answers,

"Of course I did! Do you think I would smell that way?




Story Number Two:

Countess F was known for her promiscuous ways both in England as anywhere else. A friend taught her a wondrous way to get rid of crabs, something that would be out of Harry Potter if Harry Potter were over 21.



Countess F decided to call all of her full-time lovers, part-time lovers, lovers by the hour, lovers met on elevators, on planes, in nightclub bathrooms... Her ballroom was quite crowded with lovers.

After the customary lobster, filet mignon, petite salad, sorbet and coffee, she commanded silence.

"I know, my friends, we have been plagued by a pest, this little animal, the crab. A friend from Eastern Europe has found a cure. Noooo! Don't start "ahhh-ing" yet. It is very simple. Just aim a virgin mirror at the middle of your rear end and the little creatures will come out most willingly. You can find virgin mirrors in any antique shop. I have left a few in my upstairs bathroom.

One of the guests was that Englishman mentioned above, the one who was visiting the Empire State Building. Discretely, he got to the upstairs bathroom, a sight to see, decorated a la Louis XVI, pulled down his pants and aimed a hand-held mirror at the middle of his bottom cheeks.
He heard little voices,

"Yeah, yeah, a new hole, a new hole." In droves, the crabs were leaving.

Alas! The Englishman had habits hard to break. He ripped a really loud one and heard the little voices,

"Let's go back! Party in the old hole, party in the old hole!"
Just a strong anti-lice shampoo will do, but I don't know, never had them



Curtain, please

jokes
sex
stereotypes
Brazilian humor